We all have something that we can not stand to be called. That one word that gets under our skin more than anything else. Mine, for example, is I hate being called grumpy. Whenever someone says I’m grumpy all I want to say to them is “You think?” I know I’m grumpy before you do. I can tell by the way I start grinding my teeth when I hear someone talking that I am grumpy. Someone pointing it out isn’t helpful, it just makes it worse because then I start to get angry.
There are some things I hear women say quite a bit to each other that I think should stop. We know women (myself included) can be very passive aggressive, two-faced, and just plain rude to one another. It is our most common way to fight. Now that I have realized how hurtful it is whenever I have a mom criticizing the way I raise Andrew, I started to realize maybe we should try and put an end to women trying to bring each other down as well as mom wars. An easy way to start this would be to stop saying certain things.
5) Fat, Barbie, pan-faced, big foot, etc.
Let’s stop labeling people by what you think of their appearance. (I am guilty of this one.) These are your personal opinions on their appearance. There are people out there who will find that exact same woman to be flawless. Why do we always have to focus on the negative of a person? If we associate some bad adjective with someone, then I have found we are far more likely to always have a negative attitude towards them.
4) Bless your heart
If you are from the south, then you know what I mean by this one. It is when someone often has good intentions, but at the same time thinks you are being dumb, or handling a situation immaturely. Where I am from, 9 times out of 10, this is not a nice thing to say. I know several people who say this, and they really are great women. I just feel like the underlying insult associated with this phrase means it should be stopped.
3) Oh Honey
This one is a lot like bless your heart, but this is more commonly used in places besides just the south. Have you ever made a decision that as you look back you realize wasn’t a smart one? Those are the cases when people are most likely to say “Oh honey” to you. To me it feels like they still see you as a child. They want to protect you, even though in life you have to make mistakes for yourself. This can be an especially harmful thing to say to a young woman. She is trying to grow up, but then calling her honey reminds her that you see her as a child still. Let’s just leave calling someone honey for our significant others to say to us.
2) Bi**h and whore
These are hurtful to say at any time, but I am specifically talking about when women say these things to their “friends.” It was very common to hear when I was back in middle school, and high school. The groups of friends who were primarily girls would call each other these things constantly. I never understood it. Sadly, I still know of full grown women who call their friends this. You never know when you could be saying that to someone and really hurting their feelings. A lot of people will laugh when they are actually really hurting on the inside. Odds are you won’t see the person you hurt cry because they don’t want to be made fun of only to feel worse.
I have not met a single woman who likes to be called the C word, and yet women will still say it to each other. It may only be when they are really angry, but it still should not be said. The main reason? We don’t want men to call us this. Men hear us say it, so they are going to naturally think it is okay for them to say to other women. I really despise the C word. I feel guilty just typing the censored version of it. I don’t think any woman ever deserves to be called this.
Basically we should follow the Golden Rule. If we can stop saying these things to each other, then we are one step closer making empowering other women a habit. When we can do that, we will all benefit.