First Swimsuit Season as a New Mom

It’s that time of year again, swimsuit season. I dread it. I always have. There is always so much pressure to be in shape, but not just any shape, the “perfect” shape. I used to wear a one piece swimsuit for years, but I always got teased for it. I was just never comfortable showing that much skin.

About 5 years ago I finally felt comfortable enough in my own skin to wear a two piece. Every time I put it on though, I had to triple check that it looked okay in the mirror before I let anyone else see me. I guess I wasn’t all that comfortable after all. Sometimes I used an excuse that I was scared I would sun burn so I could wear a large t-shirt over it. Did it make swimming difficult? Yes. Did I care? No.

This is my first swimsuit season since I had Andrew. My body is very different. I am even less comfortable in my skin now than I was before. The stretch marks don’t bug me, but the saggy skin does. It is weird. I put off going shopping for a swimsuit because I really didn’t want to see what I look like now in the mirror. I finally bought one a couple of days ago. I went with a tankini, so I wouldn’t feel so uncomfortable. I was pleasantly surprised how it made my mid section look. What I didn’t like was the fit in the chest, and how my thighs looked.

Apparently anyone who needs a size medium top in a tankini has breasts that are at least big C’s because let me tell you those cups look huge. I am a B cup. My chest got lost in that swimsuit. It is a halter top though, so I can at least tighten it up enough so I won’t accidentally flash people (hopefully). I couldn’t go for a size small because that wouldn’t have fit my mid section. I probably would have ripped it. What they should do is have 2 sizes. For example, a size medium and a B cup, a size medium and a C cup, a size small with a C cup, etc. Makes sense right? Some of us just weren’t blessed with the size boobs that the people who make swimsuits think we should have. I already feel uncomfortable finding a swim suit that looks good on me, the last thing I need is to also feel like I’m not proportionate.

I probably should have bought some swim shorts to go with my swimsuit because of my thighs. They probably don’t look as bad as I think they do, but I still don’t want people seeing them. They did not go back to the way they used to be before I was pregnant. A lot of my weight gain is still in my thighs, and I can’t seem to lose it. I have to wear size 12 pants to comfortably fit my thighs, but I only need a 10 for my waist. I could put in a lot of effort and focus on workouts for my thighs, but I don’t have the energy for that. Kudos to those that do, but I would rather just cover up than work out.

I haven’t actually been swimming yet, but i probably will be soon. You can expect a post about that day sometime soon after it happens. Hopefully, all goes well…


The Only Shows I Can Watch

I’m a stay at home mom. A stay at home mom with no cable. When I say no cable, I also mean no basic cable. That means no local news or weather. Not even a telenovella. That leaves me with Netflix, Hulu, and Vudu.

Of course that gives me a lot of options for what I can watch, the problem is I can’t watch anything new to me. Why is that? When taking care of a 4 month old, I can’t concentrate on anything besides him for more than a few minutes at a time unless he is asleep. Of course I also happen to have the baby who protests naps. In the off chance he does fall asleep, it will only be for about 10 minutes.

I would probably have to watch the same episode of a show 3 times before I am able to see the whole thing. I tried watching a new to me series yesterday. I got 5 minutes in and had already missed an important plot point. I was already lost. I knew it was pointless, so I decided to go back to a series I had already watched in it’s entirety 3 times. It is mostly just background noise anyway right?

There are still plenty of things I would like to watch that I know my husband has no interest in, but the only way that would happen is if I stay up later than he does. No way that will work. He can run on 3 or 4 hours of sleep. I can’t. If I tried to, then I doubt there is enough caffeine in the world to make me cheerful the next morning.

It’s sad that I can’t even watch T.V.. I knew I wouldn’t be able to read any book unless it was meant for babies, but I thought I could still enjoy a new show every now and then. If someone ever gives you a hard time and says you get to do whatever you want all day as a stay at home mom, just tell them that is far from the truth. If you are like me and can’t even watch a new 30 minute long show in one sitting, then you know that you do not get to do whatever you want.

The Similarities Between Andrew and my Dogs

Have you ever heard having dogs is a lot like having toddlers? While I can believe that because dogs try to be independent and constantly test their limits with you as alpha just like a toddler is going to test his parents. I think there are also a lot of similarities between dogs and babies. It seems that way with my dogs and Andrew anyway.

Let’s start with the inability to feed themselves. Babies definitely cannot feed themselves. Even bottle fed babies can’t hold up a bottle for very long, and on top of that they have issues getting the nipple into their mouth. Dogs probably could feed themselves if they had thumbs, or easy access to their dog food bag. If they did though, then odds are they wouldn’t know when to stop eating. I always joke that my dogs would eat until they exploded if they had the choice. So just to be safe my dogs do not feed themselves.

Then there is the similarity of both dogs and babies putting everything in their mouths. They both learn with their senses, and in this case both touch and taste apply. Dogs want to know what something feels like and if it is delicious so everything goes in their mouths. Teething babies are also using their mouth to learn. When they try new foods their taste buds come alive and they decide if it is yummy or not. In an effort to soothe their aching gums, babies will put everything in their mouths. Some things like chilled teething rings are meant to help, while others like the random toy or the bib they are wearing won’t. It is my guess though that anything they put in their mouths will distract them from the pain and therefore help at least temporarily.

Then there is the case of feeling like you have to dress both babies and dogs up in the cutest outfits. Now this one doesn’t apply to everyone. My husband won’t let me dress up my dogs in costumes because he feels like it is pointless, but I still have the urge to do so, especially on Halloween. Then with Andrew I always want to put him in the cutest things I can find. Part of the reason is because he was given so many different outfits I try to put him in everything at least once. For the most part though, I just want his outfit to look almost as cute as he does. Andrew doesn’t care what he wears though. He would probably be just fine naked as long as he was warm enough. The same goes for dogs.

Even toys for dogs and toys for babies have some similarities. They all have to be safe for chewing. If they squeak or make any noise, then they are even better. If they light up then both dogs and babies are mesmerized by them. I’m not saying you should let your dogs chew on your baby’s toys or vice versa, (especially if the dog toy is flavored). I’m just pointing out that sometimes it can be hard to differentiate them. It’s no wonder that my dogs took so long to realize that Andrew’s toys did no belong to them.

My favorite similarity between dogs and babies is that they can fall asleep anywhere. It is so adorable to see a dog fall asleep in their food, but in my opinion it is so much cuter to see a baby fall asleep eating. They can both fall asleep in the middle of playing or exploring. They fall asleep in the car. They even will fall asleep in an exciting place they have never been to before.

Do you know any other similarities between dogs and babies? What is your favorite? How many of you treat your dogs as if they were your babies? Post in the comments!

An Apology to my Pre-pregnancy Clothes


Dear pre-pregnancy clothing,

I’m am very sorry for the abuse I have put you through. I used to wear you everyday. I was much smaller back then and we were all very comfortable. Then there was a span of a better part of a year where I stuffed you into storage containers and left you all alone on a nearly out of reach shelf in my closet. I replaced you because my growing baby and constant chocolate cravings didn’t allow any part of me to remain the same size.

While you were making your new home among the Christmas decorations, I thought of you often. I worried that an intruder might find you, start gnawing on you, and leave me to find you full of holes. I worried that I would never be able to fit into you again, and sadly for some of you that is the case. To those of you clothes I donated because you were already tight on me pre-pregnancy, please know that things are better this way for all involved.

Now my pregnancy weight is starting to melt away, and so I have dusted you off and put you back on hangers where you rightly belong. There is still more to my apology however. I may be able to wear you, but that doesn’t mean you were as comfortable as you used to be back before I was pregnant. My shape has gone through an extreme change, and I may never be exactly the way I used to be. I may be okay with that fact, but it is unfair of me to force you to be too.

To my shirts: You were the article of clothing I thought it would take me the longest to get back into, but I wasn’t counting on most of my weight gain going straight to my thighs. I started wearing the biggest of you first only a couple weeks postpartum. You were still tight on me, but you covered my belly so I wore you anyway. I may have pulled you shirts out of the closet too early, but I felt a sense of accomplishment that I could actually wear you again. You all made a great sacrifice, but you brought me joy and I thank you for that.

To my pants: Most of you I am still unable to wear. I did have to go buy pants quite a few sizes bigger so I have something to wear until we can all be together again. There are two pairs of you I can actually get on and button. I don’t wear you often though because I can barely breathe, and I fear that if I were to sit down that you would lose your button. I will keep you hung up in my closet though as a reminder of my weight loss goal. Please be patient with me.

To my socks: Although I didn’t replace or even put any of you in storage, you still deserve an apology. My feet grew during this pregnancy. The amount of swelling I had in my feet made it almost unbearable to stand. You did let me know towards the end of my pregnancy that you had had enough. Those indentations you left on my ankles hurt quite a bit. The swelling did go away soon after the baby was born, but my feet were still bigger. They may have only grown a half size, but that is a half size you all had to stretch out to accommodate for. Sadly, I cannot lose weight in my feet. You are forever stuck with the burden of my near Sasquatch sized feet. I do promise you that I will do my best to keep my feet smelling the best they can. It’s the least I can do.

Lastly, to my bras: You all had the worst problems to deal with. You all had to stay with me throughout all but the last month of the pregnancy. You all must love me very much because none of you decided to stab me with wires. For that, I repaid the favor by using nursing pads. You had enough problems to deal with. I can tell though that a few of you have suffered injuries and are nearing the end of your lives. I will mourn you when your gone, but for now lets enjoy what time we have left.

There is one more apology I must make to all my clothing. Should I ever become pregnant again, all of these problems will repeat themselves. I know this is tough for you, but trust me when I say that your sacrifices are well worth it. Because of your selflessness, I can bring a new life into this world. Thank you.


A happy new mother